Be the Cat's Meow

Archive for the ‘Love’ Category

Life has been moving faster than I ever imagined and in working on a longer piece I had forgotten about keeping this updated. Honestly, I forgot that this even existed in the first place. Long summer days at work triggered my memory of blogging and with the help of Google I found my way back.

Hard to believe over a year has passed since I last wrote. Thinking about everything that happened is very surreal…

Firstly, I have turned 30 and it wasn’t as scary as I expected it to be. Actually, it is shaping up to be one of the best years of my life.

I have advanced in a job (and most likely will advance again very shortly), that I love, and in between it allowed me to travel and meet people I would have never met otherwise (ie academics). My awkwardness perfectly melds with theirs and I get to (somewhat) learn things I would never have otherwise.

I have been continuing a steady fitness regime and also teach kickboxing at least twice a week. I love being able to show people how to trust themselves and become stronger. Everyone is capable of anything, but sometimes you need a little push. I think most (myself included) have trouble grasping their true strength- inner and out.

Exercise, I firmly believe, is also the best drug for mental health. You become stronger AND you feel great afterwards.

I have been to even more events alone and I have learned when I need time to recharge. Seem to be doing more recharging these days, but I savor any moment to myself I can get. I am also perfectly content with having a movie night with friends as opposed to bar-hopping.

Related to bar-hopping, I was able to see & meet some of the biggest inspirations to me: Frankie Bones, The Crystal Method, Bad Boy Bill, Jinkx Monsoon, Ongina, and I am sure I am forgetting someone (or two)….

I have become far more comfortable with myself and have a much better grasp of what is best for me. This also includes setting boundaries with others as well as sticking to my gut instincts about people/opportunities/etc.

I had a recent falling out with someone I considered one of my closest friends and had to make the difficult decision that severing ties was for the best. We had spent some time apart and trying to pick up our relationship where we left off seemed impossible.

They may not realize it now and, unfortunately, they refused to acknowledge the fact that we were making each other miserable. There is a place and time for everything and our time had passed.

I tried so hard to be patient and open, but in return I was being criticized for things like my career, my goals & my lifestyle. Growing up with depression I feel that happiness is a valid goal- not to mention something as basic as getting out of bed daily is a feat in itself.

People grow at different paces and people have different needs. AND that is okay. It is about being comfortable with yourself and acknowledging what you need.

Most importantly I have also been more open to others about my anxiety and depression. Although it seems some people misconstrue my words I know I am doing all that I can by being open. If they don’t want to try to understand me then I am not going to waste my time trying to make them happy.

Lastly, somehow, I have been blessed to find love. It had been in front of me all along, but, of course, it bites when you least expect it. We’ve lived parallel lives across the country from each other and, in a twist of fate, we were brought together. We have taken different, albeit eerily similar, paths to get to where we are today and we understand each other perfectly. We have a relationship where we can communicate with a simple look.

Well, there you have it folks. A brief recap of the past year with the underlying lesson being to stay true to yourself! It sounds super cliche, but really, at the end of the day, you know what is best for you. Obviously, you should still be kind and considerate of others, but don’t ever let anyone’s negativity penetrate your own life. Trust yourself, always.

 

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Oh the dreaded VD…

…eww sicko, I am referring to Valentine’s Day of course!

That greeting card, flower & chocolate endorsed holiday. The day that singles love to hate and [most] couples love to love.

Honestly, I am indifferent about Valentine’s Day. Yes, I have recognized it while in a relationship, but there was never any pressure like, “YOU BETTA GIVE ME A TEDDY BEAR & FLOWERS & SH*T.” Better yet I wasn’t ever forced into a Tammy-I-Don’t-Spread-For-No-Roses situation.

The same can be argued about events like Father’s & Mother’s Day or even birthdays- if you really care about someone why don’t you celebrate them WHENEVER? Isn’t it a greater gesture when you surprise someone on a regular non-holiday day? Instead of scrambling to bake a sorry excuse of a cake or make a crappy paperweight at the last minute? Come on now!

I say, F-That!

Especially all you single folk! Don’t spend the day wallowing in self-pity. Instead I encourage

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Day!

Go ahead. Splurge (with reason or monetary means) on that 5 course meal or buy that drag queen bling you have been shy about. You deserve it! Celebrate your fabulosity and ability to treat yo’self to EXACTLY what you please!

In the words of RuPaul, “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?”

Maybe you aren’t in a conventional relationship right now, but I guarantee that you are loved by many! If not many definitely some, but believe me people care about you more than you think!

If you are drowning in your pity party reach for a hand. Your friends won’t know that you need them if you don’t let them know. Just be just sure to leave the tiny violin at home.

Don’t roll your eyes at me either. I’m in the same [single] boat as you. My plans include working out, Tekken tag, wine and shrimp enchiladas. Naturally, I will spend time with friends in between.

Bottom line: TREAT YO’SELF!! Celebrate you! Do something spontaneous you couldn’t otherwise do while in a couple. It’s okay to feel good and pamper yourself. If you don’t who will?

Can I get an AMEN?

It is surreal when you reach the point in life where things start falling into place for your “circles.” The last round of folks are beginning their college careers, those that have graduated are now finding their niche, families are being made, etc.

I can’t help, but feel grateful for it all and excited about the future. I don’t have a wedding ring or family to show off, but I do have a solid career, expanding my artistic opportunities, own a house and feel healthier and happier than ever. Truth be told, maybe there are still pieces of me that are sad, but I have learned to keep on keeping on, because that is all you can do.

Anyways, thinking about the present reminded me of my bumpy past. It definitely was not easy getting to this point. I took some wrong turns and trusted some wrong people, but that is all behind me for the best.

I was self-destructive, and I can only blame myself there, but I also wanted to believe that all people are inherently good. That being said, I ate up the bullshit asshole people fed me and, unfortunately, let these bad influences into my life.

I have no regrets, everything made me who I am today, but I sure as hell would LOOOOOOOVE to see some of these jerks again to punch them in the face!! It would go a little something like this:

“Hey, thanks for pretending to care about me & be my friend, when I needed it, only to find out you were trying to end my relationship and get in my pants AND bragging about it.” **BOOM**

“Hey, thanks for being a junkie boyfriend, diluting my reality and having the nerve to say I messed you up. Boy, you was already MESSED up.” **BOOM**

“Hey, thanks for making me your scapegoat in high school and making those years even more miserable than necessary.” **BOOM**

“Hey, thanks for saying ‘you’ll be there,’ and never actually meaning it, even when I was extremely depressed and needed it most.” **BOOM**

“Hey, thanks for choosing drugs over our friendship and never admitting that you actually did AND NOW you continue to pretend that never happened.” **BOOM**

“Hey, thanks for walking all over me all those years while being judgemental since I don’t fit the ‘mold’.” **BOOM**

I could probably come up with more, but those are the key people I would just like to say WTF too. F* you for being an asshole & good riddance! Plus, I know I am in a better place than ALL OF THEM now. I would LOVE to wipe the smug smiles off their faces and let them know all their trash talking didn’t hold me down.

Wow, writing this was almost as therapeutic as punching someone in the face! …or at least how I would imagine it…

It just goes to show, I don’t care who you are or where you’re from…

….wait, the Backstreet Boys said that, not me….

okay, I say, it does not matter what happened in your past. You can hold onto your mistakes and fall into some downward spiral OR you can grow from then and learn to be better as a result! Then, you can look back and remind yourself, I AM BETTER THAN ALL OF THESE ASSHOLES!!

Heck, writing is one of the best forms of therapy, so unleash all that bitterness into something fierce! They’ll never read it and if they do maybe they will realize what an worthless asshole they were (/are).

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Posted on: 11/28/2012

The Grass is Always Greener: The Worst Things Married People Can Tell Single People

Unlike this author, I have only been on the single side of the fence. I was practically married at one point, but alas…

Being single has perks, but I do agree that sometimes you married folk should think before you speak! When was the last time you were the only single at a table filled with couples at a wedding- the worst possible scenario to be without a plus one. Not to mention the nightmare scenario of single you slipping in the shower, choking on a gummy bear, etc. and laying helplessly as your cats do absolutely nothing and watch you bleed or choke to death. I wouldn’t mind a warm body that isn’t one of my cats either. As much as I love to snuggle with them it isn’t quite the same, not to mention they are more apt to wake me with a butt in my face (maybe some couples are into that, but me, not so much….

The next time you tell a single person how jealous you are of their “freedom” think about how many times we get put on the pedestal to be poked & prodded for being part of a dying civilization.

I figured a rant could be justified by my prolonged absence…deal with it.

These days I have found myself in many new places- both physically &
mentally. It’s as though I have freed myself from an abusive relationship
(which is true in some ways).

One of my newest endeavors is on the job front. I work in a University now
and, for the most part, my cohorts are older men. There are a few women in administrative positions, which means I have repeatedly been subjected to the worst interrogations possible- i.e. “Are you married?” (I reply,
“No”), “Do you have children” (I say “No” again) and awkward silences
follows.

Unfortunately, work isn’t the only place I am reminded I am single. When I go out and try to meet new people OR reconnecting with people (eg. my ten year reunion, eek), one of the first questions is, “are you seeing anyone?” Luckily, this is typically preceded by “You look great,” but still, I’d rather not be reminded that, somehow, all these asshats are getting married and divorced and I can’t even get a date.

I still don’t understand why this has to be the primary conversation
starter. Why is my life narrowed down to these questions? Just because
I am a female approaching 30? Since women NEED men to be adequate? Why don’t you bother to ask me a question that is, actually, about ME?

I never thought anything was wrong with being single & childless at 28,
but the more people ask, the more inadequate and depressed I feel. Just shake it off, I think and I instantly feel better knowing that I don’t have to depend on anyone.

Meanwhile, everyday I log on to facebook someone else is getting married
and/or popping out a kid. When did this suddenly become a priority? Did we
all mature and nest or is it a frantic race to pair off before it’s too
late?

Honestly, I feel like it’s the latter. I don’t like being rushed when I am
choosing my lunch and no way would I want to rush to pick a husband. I
know others feel that way, but I have a strange feeling the weight of
societal standards got to them first. They probably have an inkling of
doubt lurking deep down inside, but it will take a few years before logic
kicks in. I would like to think, years from now when people go through
their separations, they will respect & better understand my decision to
wait.

I just would like to feel love again- to feel that excitement and giddiness. When I’ve had a shitty day I want to have someone to hold me.  I want to have someone to confide in. Conversely, I’m not ready to break my wall down until I know it’s worth letting someone in.

At the end of the day, I will return to an empty house seeking
companionship from my cats. Yes, it can get lonely, but I’d like to think
it is worth the wait.

Once again, it is the most wonderful time of the year for us single folk- Valentine’s Day.

Honestly, I’m not bitter that I don’t have a Valentine. It alleviates the pressure of having to buy some cheesy box of chocolates or trying to plan a “unique” V-day outing. Sure, maybe there is somebody out there that I care about, but I don’t need some Hallmark approved holiday forcing me to buy crap to prove that, yes indeed, I choo-choo-choose you.

I will be celebrating Valentine’s the best way- getting a haircut and facial over the weekend. I already treated myself to a Snoop Dogg concert and lots of sweets. Now that sounds like a fantastic time to me.

Valentine’s Day didn’t start bothering me until this past weekend. About 20 (I kid you you not) relatives, friends AND strangers asked if I had a Valentine over the weekend. When I responded no they proceeded to ask, “Why not?” or “Are you seeing anyone?”

First off, why does Valentine’s make it necessary that you need to have a “Valentine”? February 14 does not mean I need to scramble to find my soulmate- it’s just another day, come on. Also, screw all the people that had the audacity to ask me “why not?”- of course I love being the token single on Valentine’s, I plan it that way- come ON now.  Second, would you want anyone other than a significant other or spouse to be your special date? Why would anyone actively seek out a complete stranger just to be able to say, “Meet my Valentine ____________. Don’t ask me anything else about him, because I don’t know…”

All I have to say is the only love that will never turn their back on you is yourself- at least I would hope so.

My wish for everyone is to have a happy and stress-free Valentine’s Day regardless of your relationship status. I still think it is a stupid holiday, but at least it is an excuse to overindulge in sweets.

When I logged on WordPress today one of the blogs on the home page was: We All Married the Wrong People.

Now the “M” word is currently not an active part of my vocabulary, but I am at an age where more and more people I know are getting married. When I initially noticed this post I scrolled over thinking, Ugh, more of this marriage b.s., but I must admit it was a worthwhile (and quick) read.

I thought this article encapsulates the common marriage follies I hear about and the premise is also applicable to any relationship you may have (friends, family, etc.). In a nutshell, attitude and communication are the pillars of any given relationship- especially marriage. Naturally, this all sounds so simple on paper, but mix in human emotions or factors like jealousy and greed and you have a giant mess. It all boils down to accepting some things are beyond our control to change and understanding resolutions can be made.

Nobody is perfect, yet we seem to forget that rather often.


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