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Posted on: 11/28/2012

The Grass is Always Greener: The Worst Things Married People Can Tell Single People

Unlike this author, I have only been on the single side of the fence. I was practically married at one point, but alas…

Being single has perks, but I do agree that sometimes you married folk should think before you speak! When was the last time you were the only single at a table filled with couples at a wedding- the worst possible scenario to be without a plus one. Not to mention the nightmare scenario of single you slipping in the shower, choking on a gummy bear, etc. and laying helplessly as your cats do absolutely nothing and watch you bleed or choke to death. I wouldn’t mind a warm body that isn’t one of my cats either. As much as I love to snuggle with them it isn’t quite the same, not to mention they are more apt to wake me with a butt in my face (maybe some couples are into that, but me, not so much….

The next time you tell a single person how jealous you are of their “freedom” think about how many times we get put on the pedestal to be poked & prodded for being part of a dying civilization.

I figured a rant could be justified by my prolonged absence…deal with it.

These days I have found myself in many new places- both physically &
mentally. It’s as though I have freed myself from an abusive relationship
(which is true in some ways).

One of my newest endeavors is on the job front. I work in a University now
and, for the most part, my cohorts are older men. There are a few women in administrative positions, which means I have repeatedly been subjected to the worst interrogations possible- i.e. “Are you married?” (I reply,
“No”), “Do you have children” (I say “No” again) and awkward silences
follows.

Unfortunately, work isn’t the only place I am reminded I am single. When I go out and try to meet new people OR reconnecting with people (eg. my ten year reunion, eek), one of the first questions is, “are you seeing anyone?” Luckily, this is typically preceded by “You look great,” but still, I’d rather not be reminded that, somehow, all these asshats are getting married and divorced and I can’t even get a date.

I still don’t understand why this has to be the primary conversation
starter. Why is my life narrowed down to these questions? Just because
I am a female approaching 30? Since women NEED men to be adequate? Why don’t you bother to ask me a question that is, actually, about ME?

I never thought anything was wrong with being single & childless at 28,
but the more people ask, the more inadequate and depressed I feel. Just shake it off, I think and I instantly feel better knowing that I don’t have to depend on anyone.

Meanwhile, everyday I log on to facebook someone else is getting married
and/or popping out a kid. When did this suddenly become a priority? Did we
all mature and nest or is it a frantic race to pair off before it’s too
late?

Honestly, I feel like it’s the latter. I don’t like being rushed when I am
choosing my lunch and no way would I want to rush to pick a husband. I
know others feel that way, but I have a strange feeling the weight of
societal standards got to them first. They probably have an inkling of
doubt lurking deep down inside, but it will take a few years before logic
kicks in. I would like to think, years from now when people go through
their separations, they will respect & better understand my decision to
wait.

I just would like to feel love again- to feel that excitement and giddiness. When I’ve had a shitty day I want to have someone to hold me.  I want to have someone to confide in. Conversely, I’m not ready to break my wall down until I know it’s worth letting someone in.

At the end of the day, I will return to an empty house seeking
companionship from my cats. Yes, it can get lonely, but I’d like to think
it is worth the wait.

I happened to come across a blogspot I had to create for a class in college.

All of the silly/embarrassing parts (like the url, headlines & interests) are still pretty accurate for the most part.

If you want to know more about Victorian literature or just want a good laugh you should check it out: The Mindless Banter of Another Lost Youth.

Sadly, after reading this I feel compelled to go analyze a novel…

 

I would just like to know about the evolution of the significance of Saturday, May 21. How did it go from being the Rapture to the Zombie Apocalypse? Or is this origin of all the “Zombie Jesus” talk?

Christian ministry radio station leader Harold Camping, of Family Radio, started preaching his message of the Rapture (to be followed by the end of the world October 21) back in January. The “all-knowing” Camping bases his certainty on a mathematical equation based on 7,000 years after the flood of Noah’s Ark. Now exactly what his equation is or how he obtained it is another story. Perhaps his meeting with God was similar to that of Joseph Smith, but that in itself is another story…

What I do know, after 12 years of Catholic schooling, is the Bible claims that only God knows when Judgement Day is. I am also pretty sure the anti-Christ is supposed to present himself before any of this takes place (and no Snooki is not the anti-Christ). I can’t tell you the exact passage nor do I feel like looking for it, but ask anyone else familiar with the Bible and they will tell you the same.

I also know that Camping has a civil engineer background and (it gets better) he predicted the Rapture back in 1994…oh wait, what year is it now? 2011? So, 1994 came and went and life continued? If you don’t believe me you can buy Camping’s book about this end of days event which never happened. He says it was due to “mathematical error,” and now,

“Beyond the shadow of a doubt, May 21 will be the date of the Rapture and the day of judgment” (Huffington Post).

Somehow all this Rapture talk prompted the Center for Disease Control to (quietly, mind you) post Preparedness 101: Zombie Apocalypse. The CDC was kind enough to provide a brief history of zombies,  suggested emergency kit items and emergency plan. Now I don’t even know where to begin with this. How did we go from the coming of Jesus to zombie takeover? I’m not sure what lines were blurred together for that to even happen. Naturally, certain people (like my mother), tend to have anxiety attacks over this sort of pandemonium, which blows things even more out of proportion.

The bottom-line is none of us will know the fate of May 21st until, wait for it, Saturday, May 21st. Sure you can believe what you want and take whatever precaution you find necessary, but keep your panic attacks to yourself. Think about what happened with Y2K and 6.6.06- that’s right, nothing happened. Some people chose to freak out and it was all for nothing. Plus, if something really does happen it’s more difficult to think rationally when you are having an anxiety attack.

I apologize in advance if I am wrong and the zombie-rapture-whatever takes place. Just remember, you can outrun a zombie if all else fails. In the meantime, I just plan to watch this as much as possible through tomorrow:

Oh boy, oh boy, another Monday has arrived.

You must be asking, “How can I make it through today?” and, in fact, I am thinking the same thing and haven’t the slightest idea. I can, however, leave you with this song to put some pep in your step. It always manages to bring a smile to my face and also leaves me wanting to play Galaxian. Even if it doesn’t you can watching the video over and over to kill some time.

I know I’ll always be here.

Lately, I feel like Hank Moody. If you don’t know, Moody is the main character of Californication played my long-term-older-man crush David Duchovny. His obstacle(s): overcoming writer’s block (and also getting his ex back).

This is how I look when I try to write these days. Actually, I pretty much have this face ALL THE TIME.

Okay, maybe I should specify that I feel like him with the exception of the promiscuous sex with many women…

…and to clarify I have a non-existent love-life…

and I do share most of his vices (once again, excluding the “women” factor and also coke use).

Anyways, what I am trying to say is writer’s block is the worst. Prolonged writers block is even worse. Writing is a meditation to me and this roadblock has been driving me insane.

I am supposed to be a writer. I am supposed to be a visionary. WHERE IS MY VISION?!?!!

Just sitting here & writing this now is like figuring out the easiest way to pull my own teeth while standing on my head.

Really.

Maybe not quite to that extent, but inspiration and creativity have seemed fleeting to me. Whenever I sit down to write it turns into me staring at the paper or computer until my eyes burn. Then I become frustrated that something that was once so easy is now inexplicably hard.

Like Moody, maybe part of my block is due to the inability to move on from a past relationship. Maybe that subconsciously was my muse. Maybe that was what sparked the imagination which lurks deep inside. Maybe. Maybe.

But alas, I am not Hank Moody and I won’t find solitude in sex-capades and trying to win back the heart of a past love.

I will continue to sit and stare hopelessly.

Hopeless as a dog chasing it’s tail.

Not quite, but sometimes it feels that way. I, however, can admit I did find solace in REM’s Everybody Hurts. The song appropriately came on the radio after a long day and brutal workout. It was bittersweet (and ironic since I was also physically hurting- but in a good way) to hear Michael Stipe gently remind me “everybody hurts  sometimes.” It was the nudge I needed to shake it off and that it is only human to feel that way (sometimes). Thank you, Mr. Stipe, I appreciate it. I will never forget when I was lucky enough to watch you live at Madison Square Garden and I may have even cried when you sang this song.

I guess Moody and I aren’t so alike after all. For now, writer’s block still plagues me and I am overly-elated that I was even able to write this sorry excuse for writing. At least it is a sign that there is hope. I doubt Moody has ever had any hope, that self-loathing hot bastard.

It’s hard to keep up with the onslaught of internet memes theses days. I discovered the website f-yeahnouns awhile back.

Today, boredom took me back there and I decided to test out my nickname. Geniusly, a photo of my cat Button as a kitten & my arm popped up. Kinda creepy this is actually relative to me, but more amazing since it features my baby Button in his cute costume. P.S. that elephant head does not fit him anymore. Regardless, I am ecstatic to be preserved in this internet meme (or should I say me-me).

Buttons Web Debut

Check the real deal here & make your own http://fuckyeahnouns.com/alipop

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