Be the Cat's Meow

Posts Tagged ‘health

Life has been moving faster than I ever imagined and in working on a longer piece I had forgotten about keeping this updated. Honestly, I forgot that this even existed in the first place. Long summer days at work triggered my memory of blogging and with the help of Google I found my way back.

Hard to believe over a year has passed since I last wrote. Thinking about everything that happened is very surreal…

Firstly, I have turned 30 and it wasn’t as scary as I expected it to be. Actually, it is shaping up to be one of the best years of my life.

I have advanced in a job (and most likely will advance again very shortly), that I love, and in between it allowed me to travel and meet people I would have never met otherwise (ie academics). My awkwardness perfectly melds with theirs and I get to (somewhat) learn things I would never have otherwise.

I have been continuing a steady fitness regime and also teach kickboxing at least twice a week. I love being able to show people how to trust themselves and become stronger. Everyone is capable of anything, but sometimes you need a little push. I think most (myself included) have trouble grasping their true strength- inner and out.

Exercise, I firmly believe, is also the best drug for mental health. You become stronger AND you feel great afterwards.

I have been to even more events alone and I have learned when I need time to recharge. Seem to be doing more recharging these days, but I savor any moment to myself I can get. I am also perfectly content with having a movie night with friends as opposed to bar-hopping.

Related to bar-hopping, I was able to see & meet some of the biggest inspirations to me: Frankie Bones, The Crystal Method, Bad Boy Bill, Jinkx Monsoon, Ongina, and I am sure I am forgetting someone (or two)….

I have become far more comfortable with myself and have a much better grasp of what is best for me. This also includes setting boundaries with others as well as sticking to my gut instincts about people/opportunities/etc.

I had a recent falling out with someone I considered one of my closest friends and had to make the difficult decision that severing ties was for the best. We had spent some time apart and trying to pick up our relationship where we left off seemed impossible.

They may not realize it now and, unfortunately, they refused to acknowledge the fact that we were making each other miserable. There is a place and time for everything and our time had passed.

I tried so hard to be patient and open, but in return I was being criticized for things like my career, my goals & my lifestyle. Growing up with depression I feel that happiness is a valid goal- not to mention something as basic as getting out of bed daily is a feat in itself.

People grow at different paces and people have different needs. AND that is okay. It is about being comfortable with yourself and acknowledging what you need.

Most importantly I have also been more open to others about my anxiety and depression. Although it seems some people misconstrue my words I know I am doing all that I can by being open. If they don’t want to try to understand me then I am not going to waste my time trying to make them happy.

Lastly, somehow, I have been blessed to find love. It had been in front of me all along, but, of course, it bites when you least expect it. We’ve lived parallel lives across the country from each other and, in a twist of fate, we were brought together. We have taken different, albeit eerily similar, paths to get to where we are today and we understand each other perfectly. We have a relationship where we can communicate with a simple look.

Well, there you have it folks. A brief recap of the past year with the underlying lesson being to stay true to yourself! It sounds super cliche, but really, at the end of the day, you know what is best for you. Obviously, you should still be kind and considerate of others, but don’t ever let anyone’s negativity penetrate your own life. Trust yourself, always.

 

I am a walking ball of anxiety.

All the time.

Seriously.

Well, maybe not so much all the time anymore, but definitely more than I lead people to believe.

Most people don’t know this. Most people tell me I send a calm vibe…I sure fooled them.

I have just learned how to conceal my anxiety from others. I can also say I have learned to combat it, but it will sneak up on me in the guise of migraines, upset stomach or insomnia. Most of all I have learned that taking a step back to breathe is generally the best solution.

Dealing with my anxiety has been a particular focus of my well being for the past year. In that short time I have been able to pinpoint triggers and explore alternatives to western medicine. It is very much mind over matter, but the physical pains don’t seem to abide by that rule. No matter how many times I say I will not let things get to me and no matter how confident I feel I can shake it off, I can’t. Well, I can shake the negative thoughts off, but I can’t shake-off the lack of sleep or pounding migraines.

This makes me wonder, can we really deal with things in a mind over matter manner? Maybe that is just a higher level of consciousness that few manage achieve. Regardless, aren’t we supposed to listen to what our bodies are telling us? If we run a fever or have a toothache isn’t that our body’s way of telling us something is wrong? What about our gut instincts- aren’t we supposed to take “that sinking feeling” to heart when making decisions?

Unfortunately, I can’t answer any of these questions. I can tell you that lately I keep feeling that pit in my stomach and don’t know if it is stress related or if it truly is that all knowing “gut feeling.” I say trust your gut, but when your gut tends to be unpredictable like mine it is hard to tell when I should.

My advice to everyone else is to listen to your body. I know it sounds silly, but sometimes our bodies tell us things we don’t realize or even things we choose not to realize. Obviously, something triggered your physical reaction. You may not know what at the time, but, with time, you will come to realize what your gut reaction meant.

Unless you are my mother, who has gut reactions over the smallest issues…

…but that is an entirely different story…


**EDIT: For the record my gut was telling me something**


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